Hi loseit, I am so, so impressed with myself right now and I just had to share because it feels like I just broke the habit of a lifetime.
Bit of backstory: I've always fluctuated between a healthy weight and about 20-30lbs overweight, on about a 6 month to 1 year loop. Almost like clockwork. I would hit my peak weight, have a terrible addiction to carbs and sugary foods, emotional and boredom eating, be filled with self loathing, and then get dieting. Within 4-6 months I'd hit my target, and feel great, unstoppable, strong, in control. A few treats would sneak in here and there but it was 'no big deal' because I was in control now, right? Nope. It would take 6 months, but gradually my habits would worsen and my weight would go back up, I'd stop caring. Once I hit that certain weight, rinse and repeat.
So the last time I was at my Mac weight was the beginning of June last year, I got on my favourite diet when my brain switch finally flipped to 'enough is enough' mode, and I didn't look back till I'd dropped 20lbs. Then with my rediscovered will power I set a new target to hit 130lbs, which was another 4 or 5lbs but that's the hard bit, the last few sheets of paper towel. I ended up getting really sick at the beginning of this month, a chest infection and nausea thrown in for good measure. Couldn't eat for 3 days, was coughing like crazy day and night, no sleep. I dropped down to 124.5lbs that week, but I figured I'd gain it back and come at 130 from below, and try to stay there.
So the thing is, normally my mentality now would be "you can have a treat, it's no big deal!" - seriously - I can afford to, right? Well I went to the local supermarket today for lunch stuff and the in house bakery had just baked brownies. Whole place smelled AMAZING. So good. I am skinny right now, and I don't know how I did it but I walked out of there with nothing but healthy food. I've made those good choices before but only when filled with self loathing. I like how I look right now, I feel great, and yet I still made the right choice.
That's the first time that's ever happened and I was so happy I grinned as I left the store. Maybe I can maintain for good this time!
TL:DR - I made a healthy eating decision when faced with the smell of fresh brownies and despite being at/just below my target weight already.
F34/SW 155/GW 130/CW 125
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