Sunday, March 13, 2016

This week has been a disaster.

I mostly just need to get this off my chest. If anyone has had any similar experiences or is going through the same thing then I'd love to hear from you.

So, I started calorie counting a month ago and it was going really, really well. I was losing and eating healthily and not bingeing and it was all so very easy. However, this week I had to start really focusing on studying for this huge exam that I have on Thursday and things have gone... not well at all.

I'm a huge procrastinator. In the last couple of years it's gone beyond just leaving things to the last minute but still managing to get it done. I've failed exams I'm perfectly capable of passing and had to take time off university because of it. I'll procrastinate to the point that I'm so stressed that the skin on my hands starts peeling but I STILL won't just sit down and do what needs doing. I'm aware I should probably being seeking professional help.

Anyway, I noticed pretty quickly at the beginning of the week that I was using dieting to procrastinate - fiddling around in MFP, planning my food for the week, daydreaming about food, thinking about my next meal, being distracted by hunger, etc. So I made the decision to put calorie counting aside for the week and a half before my exam so I wouldn't be giving myself yet another way to procrastinate because right now passing this exam is my priority. I thought I could try to eat intuitively and just maintain and boy have I failed at that. I fell back into my old bingeing habits except 10 times worse and it's like I have no idea what a normal day of food should look like anymore. I've regained everything I lost and then some in barely a week! There is a visible difference and it's just so frustrating that all that progress and positivity can be undone so quickly. But I just do not have the mental strength right now to deal with getting my eating sorted out on top of trying to get my procrastination under control so now I'm just dreading where I'll be in another few days.

I know that after my exam I'll be able to get back on the wagon and I'll just have to start again. Okay. Fine. It is what it is. But I've never overeaten so much in such a short amount of time before and while I have had issues with bingeing in the past, it was never associated with stress or procrastination or studying and now it is and that scares me.

Sorry for whiny, self-pitying post, I just really needed to get this off my chest.

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