Tuesday, March 8, 2016

I've lost 70 pounds/5 stone/32kg but for the wrong reasons and now losing motivation

I think its been 10 months since i started losing weight - At my biggest I was 273 pounds.

Some back story, got very depressed and full of anxiety due to the death of my dog and work stress, couldn't handle either so after 3 months of struggling i quit my job; was without a doubt the best thing i ever did.

But from there (January 2015), I ignored the world, friends & family alike and just went to my coping mechanism, which was and is playing a ridiculous amount of games as a form of escape. No one could help me because I didn't want to help myself, didn't matter who spoke to me or anything. Come mid April, i hit rock bottom.. told my parents i was searching for jobs, I wasn't. Stopped cycling completely as coming through the back gate, i expected to see my dogs face there and ofcourse it wasn't! I went for broke, i added an old female friend and we ended up played alot of games together, eventually met up but only on a friends basis but she was my motivation for everything I achieved last year, I got a local temporary full time job, I ended up moving from this job to another and relocating and finally moving out of my parents house, my depression and anxiety went and obviously I started and continued the weight loss. Recently found out for absolutely definitely without a shadow of a doubt, she is not interested. which is totally fine.

The thing i'm not alright with is the fact i can feel the depression, anxiety creeping back and lack of motivation seeping in, I have already had days off work. Like with everything its a combination of a lot of things - The stress of managing money, living away from home, keeping up exceptions of the job and seeing it through, dealing with my lady problem, the job not being what I thought it was, the house share not being the best and so on.

I wanted somewhere to go through my thoughts so sorry reddit, when i started this journey 10 months ago this is one of the places i came across for motivation and advice. I found it extremely helpful, in terms of the weight loss it was mostly down to cycling and portion size but i started calorie countering on paper and eventually got Myfitness Pal App. I'm now starting to eat much better foods and will be starting a gym and swim membership shortly!

I knew before i started that my motivation(woman) would likely backfire, but it was a good kick start, regardless of the reason I feel it served a purpose.

I don't really know what i'm asking for or what feedback I expect if any but everyone has there own hurdles to overcome and i don't want to go back to how i was, its actually incredibly scary and worrying foreseeing such a thing coming.

For anyone that made it this far, thank you for reading my wall of text of rambling.

Anonymoustubby

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