24/F/5’0” SW: 163lbs CW: 125lbs GW: 110lbs
Five years ago I set out to lose weight after learning that I had become obese. At the time I didn’t feel or think I looked obese. However the difference I see in my body makes it obvious now. Unfortunately the change is on the outside alone. Internally my urge to over eat is still present. My cravings for old comfort foods are strong and I often seek them out in large quantities. My body still feels heavy and lethargic. I would find success for a week and give up for three. I must not have self-control is what I thought and so I kept pushing. I’ve wasted too much time though. Can I restrict my calories more? Why can’t you just stop eating? Am I even hungry? Am I even okay?
I wasn’t. I was obsessed with counting and restricting and would wear myself thin and break. For too long I didn’t recognize this pattern as unhealthy. I honestly believed that I just wasn’t trying hard enough. Now it’s clear that my mindset was poisonous and destructive. While I am grateful to no longer be overweight I am still not the healthy happy person I set out to be. That is because I never made a lifestyle change and instead started to diet.
However I’m exhausted. This has gone on for too long. I don’t want to be ashamed of myself anymore. I don’t want to feel guilt when I eat or happy when I don’t. I don’t want to weigh myself every day and feel devastated to see I’ve gained or disappointed I didn’t lose more. I don’t want to stare at my naked body in the mirror and squeeze all the parts of me I wish I could cut off.
So I’ve lost 38lbs but I’m still unsatisfied. I’m unsatisfied because I don’t feel strong, energetic, healthy, or happy. I recognize now where I went wrong and I want to change. I would like to make a promise to myself and to this community that I will love myself and out of that love care for my health properly. I will no longer eat below 1200cals. I will only weigh myself once a week. I will stop over analyzing my body in the mirror. Most importantly I will remember that I’m making a lifestyle change that will take however long it takes. I have no reason to rush. Rushing is what slowed me down.
This community is very active and I’m sure my post will get buried. However I hope that if you are reading this and you recognize that you may be doing the same thing that you seek out help. Talking with someone about how you are feeling can be extremely helpful and I wish I had done it sooner. Please take care of yourself!
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat http://ift.tt/1q2m0f7
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment