I've been overweight most of my life. I was skinny until I was 7 or 8 years old. For some reason I started to gain weight from that age.
My parents would let me eat whatever I want and would buy unhealthy food. Half of the time I was at my grandparents' and they also gave me too much food. Not on purpose of course but enough to let me become overweight.
Fast forward a couple years, lot of shit happened, even though my life was already complicated. Was taken away by Child Protection Services from my mum when I was 12 years old. That was a difficult time for me. Fast forward to puberty. At age 14-15 I became more and more depressed. I skipped school a lot, just stayed in bed and played video games for most of the time. This was the point where I became really overweight.
Meanwhile I just ate badly, a lot of fast food, sodas and more unhealthy stuff. At my heaviest I was around 85 kg's (around 187.5 pounds). Looking back at the pictures I feel ashamed..
About 4 years ago I started to exercise more, did a bit of running and fitness. I've been doing this off and on for the past 4 years but I can't seem to maintain a stable weight.
At the moment I weigh 78 kg (172 lbs) and am trying to lose more weight. I'm fairly short for a guy (asian genes), 169 cm or around 5'7''. So even a pound or two extra immediately makes me look heavier.
The problem with my eating is that I binge eat. Sometimes I can follow a healthy eating diet for a while, but I always cave in eventually and start eating horrible. When I feel bad or sad I eat to feel better.
What also doesn't help is that I have been smoking pot for the past 2 years. I eat a lot of fast food and other unhealthy stuff when I have the munchies.
A few days ago I decided to kick my habit of smoking weed for at least 3 months to not only get my weight in order but also the rest of my life.
I've been feeling unmotivated, lazy and depressed for the past year. My ex-gf broke up with me half a year ago and I really let myself drown in my depression.
I want to look in the mirror and be proud of myself. Being overweight makes me feel so insecure. I hate my stretch marks. I find it hard to talk to people because I feel insecure. I don't date because I'm insecure. I find it embarrassing when I shop for clothing.
Being overweight affects so many areas of my life and I want to feel 'normal' and be proud of how I look.
I think that I know what I have to do to lose weight. Count my calories, exercise regularly and change my lifestyle in whole.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I've never told anyone how insecure I am because of my weight. Too embarrassed about it I guess. Maybe I'm looking for encouragement and support. But I hope by posting this I can acknowledge to myself that I have a binge eating problem and that I want to do something about it.
Anyway this is me (23M /5'7''/172lbs) : http://ift.tt/1Ldaln6
PS. My appy polly logies if you find it hard to read this post. English is not my first language.
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